The Devil's Sacraments

So I went to see the Dark Knight at an Imax theater. I'd reserved tickets online 3 days before. Then we got to the theater and drove around in the parking lot for 15 minutes until we found a fucking spot.

Then we got inside and immediately I was REVOLTED by the horrifying god-awful stench that was so fucking thick I felt like I was swimming in a huge fucking tub of lard. This ginormous ass stadium was bulging at the seams with beached whales shoving godzilla splooge amounts of pop-corn in their mouths with fire hydrant intensity and maybe 40 percent accuracy. The sound was so fucking loud, it sounded like Hitler's army marching on eggshells. Then after the crunch crunch smack smack from the popcorn comes the sickening repugnant sluuuuuurrrpp from the fucking SUPER TANKER of coke that they hold in their laps cause it's too fuckin big to put in the cup holder.

Me and Jamie didn't even say a word to each other, we walked out immediately and exchanged our tickets for a later date. There were no two adjacent seats available, but that was actually a minor detail...I fucking abhor popcorn. Wasn't about to let my first Imax experience be shat on by a bunch of fat motherfuckers who should've had a bite to eat before leaving the house.

One day when I'm a millionaire I will start my own theater (cinema), and food of ANY KIND will be absolutely and strictly forbidden. I'm looking forward to seeing the rest of you cynical motherfuckers there. :)